"My dear Wormwood" today: The Demon in the Diocese

This is not a letter from C.S. Lewis's classic work, but one inspired by it, and written as creative literature to highlight the work of evil today. Literary leniency requested. This is not directed at all, or any particular, Bishop.


The Demon in the Diocese

My dear Wormwood,

From your last letter, I glean that you have finally learned a few things from my advice over the years. While, as a result of your repeated incompetence and failures up to this point, I am most reticent to believe your account, the reality of things confirms your impression of yourself and your activity. I will not, however, say “well done,” as you do not deserve such a thing. I am sure your failures will catch up to you before long. The Enemy is well-equipped to undermine even such a successful plot as yours.

That being said, the reports pouring in to Headquarters are quite pleasing. Bishops, ah, the Bishops – how we very much enjoy watching them work these days! The spotlight, the craving for fame, and the desire to be embraced (better, tolerated) by the New Humanism we have crafted has done them well in serving Our Father’s plan – and they don’t see it, which is the best thing.

Keep working on your man, as he has much influence over his brother Bishops; most of them don’t seem to really know what they are, successors to the Apostles and all. If one of them woke up and realized they hold the same authority as St. Paul, well, let’s just say that would not be pleasing to Headquarters. You would not enjoy the consequences either, so do not let them see or be reminded of the power of their office. Make sure you plunge deep into his mind the danger of the ones called “traditionalists.” Make that word sound unsettling to him, not the meaning, just the word. Make sure he hears it a lot from our agents and affiliates. He needs to know that “tradition” is to be stamped out, like a plague – irony intended, but don’t let him see that.

As you know, with such an influence as you have acquired over your man, he is apt to get wise if you push too hard. Make sure he feels tired, and feels disturbed by the news coming in from all over the world, and that he has greatly spent himself giving counsel to people. I think it is time for him to take another vacation. These poor blokes give the Jesuits a run for their money as to who can best sour the Apostolic office! Tramtrimk and Slugbollum have set up a competition between the ones we already have down here and the ones that your legion have been working over. I think you may have some trophies coming your way when the judgments come down.

But, I digress. Again, keep your man, and remind the legion to do the same with their men, tired and feeling overworked. Be sure they feel like they don’t have time for their own flock, busy as they are meeting with politicians and commissioners to placate the New Order from shutting down their Churches. It is good that your man demands to feel equal in importance to them, yet with a submissive spirit.

His docility, now that he doesn’t pray anymore, is no longer toward the Enemy (that was greatly to our benefit) but to the New Order. It is fascinating how easily they have dropped their beliefs out of fear of death, or even just a little suffering. Fear, masks, fear-repeated, jabs, fear-repeated, tests, fear-repeated, quarantines, fear-repeated, and passports – baby steps, just as Our Father taught us long ago.

Fear is very useful – you learned that well. The appropriate fear with a bit of spiritual blindness, will go a long way. Make sure the fear is all external, not in his spirit; that might stir fear of judgment and fall right into the Enemy’s trap, saving the little worms. But, all our plans are fully advanced now, and most of them are quite comfortable being led around by the news, whatever they hear. We thank Malbob for his work long ago teaching the beasts to trust whatever they hear in the “news,” but distrust what they hear from the pulpit. That trick was more effective than we had forecast it to be.

So, as you see, the plan is well-advanced, but we must not get too assured it will go unchecked. The Enemy has His hidden weapons. We must work harder now that the way is cleared for us by the Bishops. Malbob is reported to be making a return soon, to stir his legion to help ramp up the fear factor in the news. The beasts are shaking in the comfy homes all over the planet, poor things; we need to keep both of those stable: shaking, and nice and comfy. Keep them entertained and plugged-in to their well-deserved luxuries. As they all do so think in their minds, they “deserve the pleasures,” what with all the burdens the poor worms have to carry these days.

But we know the plan. It is time to cash in on the decadence we have given the world for the last century; it is time to call in the debt. Did they think they could enjoy such pleasures in Our Father’s kingdom without passively enlisting themselves in his service? Fools.

Oh, one final warning: there is this new book making its rounds, Slaying Dragons, about the exorcists. Don’t let the Bishops get their hands on that, and make sure they don’t have time to read it. We don’t want them getting wise. Not hard to do today, as you know, but there are some risks at the moment. Remember, avoid that book.

Otherwise, carry on, and make sure they believe all the scary science that’s coming out. Health is, you know, the most important thing; your man doesn’t want his flock to suffer, and that’s very kind of him; at least, not suffer until they come down to Our Father’s house, where I remain

Your affectionate uncle

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